Someone

Consider yourself forewarned, this isn't like what I usually post. There probably won't be frills or interesting words used, funny statements or confusing metaphors. No, this blog is one of my serious ones, and it indeed comes from this beating machine inside of my chest. (And not directed toward anyone, or about anyone.)


I remember Bible School on Sunday mornings. We would learn about the book and who did what when and what that was supposed to mean. As I got older, we discussed dating, and what important characteristics should be sought after. Now that I'm two decades old, and four failed relationships deep, I've learned things I need, and what things will make me sour.


I need a man (man, not boy) who knows who he is. He should understand himself to a point that he doesn't need to grow out of anything, or grow up anymore. He should be able to be one person around everyone, instead of changing how he acts in front of the guys. He should know what he wants out of life, and be taking steps to reach those things.

I need a man (man, not boy) who is not selfish. He needs to prove to me that I'm not some woman he plans to walk all over. I want a partnership, and an equal one at that. And he shouldn't think only of himself. If you say that I am part of your life, then make me part of your life. And make me a part of it when you are upset or busy too. Not just when it is convenient and works around your schedule.

I need a man (man, not boy) who is supportive. And I'm not just talking about being supporting towards me. I want him to support himself. He should believe that he can do something, and do it for Christ sakes. I would love to say nice things to you, and tell you how magnificent you are, and I will do those things. But don't wait around for me to convince you that you are something incredible, believe it for yourself. And be supportive of me for the things that I say, and do. Or the things that I am thinking about doing. But that should be a no-brainer.

I need a man (man, not boy) who listens. Please, please, please stop the 'uh-huhs' and the 'yeah, sures.' Cut the crap guys, I know you weren't listening. And telling me that you have a bad memory doesn't make up for anything either. All I ask is that you respect who I am, and listening to me is the biggest (and easiest) way to do that. He should focus a little attention on me so that I really feel like he cares about what I have to say, and likes how my mind works.


So that's the big four. I know that women and men are quite different in the way that they perceive the relationships that they are in, but being in one and giving noticeably less effort than your partner is putting up is just plain selfish. And damaging. I have done a lot of thinking these last few weeks about the relationships that I have been in, and what specific details about them have not worked. And in a lot of them, I see myself putting up so much effort that is not given back to me in return. I also see me building up my significant others. I tell them how great they are at the things they are interested in or do, and push them to achieve their goals with no support given to me for my own dreams.

And frankly, I am tired of broken hearts, and teary-eyed nights on the phone. I am sick of my love, effort and support going to waste. I want to meet someone that respects me, knows who they are, and knows how to give and take equally from a relationship. I am in no rush for relationships, and purely look for nice men who spark my interest and send butterflies into my stomach. Is this an impossible request?